I've looked through the majority of your poems, and I'd like to offer an honest critique.

This is the best poem out of the ones I've seen. Why? Because this is the only piece I've found in which you didn't try to force the rhyme, or (worse) didn't slip in and out of rhyme.

I'm a strong believer that the most critical part of any poem is its message—and that anything that takes away from that message needs to be evaluated, and probably eliminated. The most common culprit is cleverness: rhyming, alliteration or imagery that calls too much attention to itself.

That doesn't mean rhyming is bad (for instance), only that it can't be allowed to distract the reader. If you're going to write an open poem, write an open poem: no rhymes at all. The reason? The human mind naturally seeks patterns. If it finds a rhyme, it stops paying attention to the words while it goes off in search of more rhymes. If it doesn't find any, or finds them someplace it didn't expect, you've distracted the reader and lost the chance to make your point.

Forcing the rhyme is almost as bad. Unless you have the talent of an Ogden Nash (famous for his humorous poems of widely varying line lengths), letting a line run on until it gets to the rhyme—or changing the proper word order to stick the rhyme last—is going to feel artificial. The reader may love or hate your clever attempt, but (again) they've stopped paying attention to your message.

In contrast, this piece (which appears to be about a—possibly divorced—parent's failed attempts to include themselves in your life) makes its point clearly: someone's doing something wrong, and it's hurting you. What works about it is your use of nouns and verbs to paint a picture and tell a story, instead of relying on much weaker adjectives and 'ly' adverbs. And the reason I could spot the message is because you didn't try to dress things up; raw emotion is almost always best expressed in plain and simple language.

I hope you can take something from this critique; you have talent, and just need practice and experience to hone it.

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I've tried pursuing happiness. Happiness sought a restraining order.